Fight and Survive!

I'm still so tiered.

I ate dinner while watchign the Tyra Banks show. Maybe I shouldn't watch TV during any of my meals. I bet that would help me. I should try it.

Russ called also, he was in starbucks. I had no desire to talk to him. I want to actually see him, not talk to him . Also I called Ian today, he hasn't called me in a while, I don't know wtf is up.

Then I had chocolate. I told my dad he doesn't have to hide it anymore, but I think it is too difficult for me to resist it when it's all in one big package. I had like 5 squares. Then I found some individually wrapped chocolates my mom hid in her bag. I think I'll start buying individually wrapped chocolates from now on. I ate two squares.

I feel like I may have eated too much, but, I will try to be healthier tomorrow.

I worked a lot in the past 2 days. Catering. Last night I had to french serve out of heavy 25 pound trays. Some rich peoppel charity thing. On the up side, Arosmith played. I am not a fan, but it was still enjoyable. I was doing this on 2 hours of sleep. Got home at 3 am. Today I worked from 3 30 till 11. Another rich people party. I wonder if they are happy...money doesn't make one happy, but it certainly eliminates a lot of problems.

Food: I have been trying to eat healthy. The bad thing about catering is that you are literally serving food, and working really hard physically, and then when they give you a break to eat there's too much food and you eat even though you know you shouldn't. I ate alright though I think, no dessert, tried to keep it protein heavy. I think the breakfast with no TV is a good rule, and is helping.

I am scared because I will not be working for the next month, thnx to surgery. What in the hell will I do with my time?????????????


My shoulder is killing me right now, I had to carry way too much heavy shit. I should probably get to bed and try to read a good book or even better sleep. Staring at this screen is not good, but I felt like I had to check in, to keep myself on track.

I can do this. I am strong. I will reach my goal. I will be healthy. I will do my best!

Today I am implementing a new rule. No TV during breakfast.

I will do my utmost best to be healthy today, both in body and mind. I have to go work at 2:00. My face is healing (the scabs I pick on it). I hope it heals as much as possible before the septoplasty.

I am not looking forward to serving FOOD to rich people while I am trying to deal with my eating issues. But I must. I refuse to feel abnormal. My eating issues do not make me an inferior person. I am 22. It is not too late. I can still take back control over my life. I can still fight god dammit!

Also I only got like 2-3 hours of sleep. This will not be an easy day. I have a tendency to eat when I am tiered. That is, to eat a lot. I think that my body now misinterprets tiered = need energy = need sleep for tired = need energy = need food. I must break this self destructive chain. I love myself too much to let myself be beaten by this disease!