User Profile

I will use this as both an introduction and a first diary entry because I only have energy for one, and think that one will be able to sufficiently function as both.

I was just now lying in my bed, awake, at 6:44 am. I went to bed at 3 30 am. I have to be at work at 2:00 pm. My sleep cycled has shifted and become unmanageable. I just felt some vomit in my mouth, I got myself here; I feel bloated and am involuntarily regurgitating the food I ate several hours prior. I feel that I must take some drastic action to save myself, so I will give this diary a-go. My entries will sometimes be graphic or disturbing, and always uncensored and raw.

The basics: I am 22 years old. I am 5’4 ½ inches tall. I don’t know how much I weigh exactly but its somewhere between 135-140 pounds. For the past 5 years of my life I have been suffering with eating disorders. I had self esteem and other issues in my past, which I guess made me a perfect candidate.

I feel that I must help myself. Not that I have not tried to help myself in the past, and I am much improved. I feel like I literally lost the last 4 years (the college years) of my life to this disease, which has permeated every aspect of my life: relationships, friendships, stability, functioning in general.

On May 10 I have to get a septoplasty for to fix my deviated septum. That is nose surgery because my nose is to one side and I chronically cannot breathe. After this surgery I won’t be able to exercise for a month. I am very scared because I never had surgery before, but I will detail how I deal with it in this diary.

I am better today than I was four years ago, but I am still terribly afflicted. It is time that I took control over myself and my actions. This will not be easy. Even writing this is not easy. But I feel that it is what I must do.

Friends (2):

Friend of (2):